(The free, very sober bi-monthly English language newsletter.)
Gnarly Gnenglish

Published by the SMP Company, PO Box 1563, Santa Fe, NM 87504
Copyright 2012 by Montgomery Phister, Jr.
www.gnarlymath.com
Vol. 2 , No. 6 , January/February 1875, Paris, France

Page 1

Jules Verne's Latest Novel now a Play!
Around the World in Eighty Days
Published Last Year

Now a Hilarious Play
at the Porte Sainte Martin Theater
      Last year everyone was talking about his book, and this year about his play of the same name. So it seemed it would be a good idea to have a talk with Jules Verne, the man who wrote the book and collaborated on the play. We found him in his study, and asked him if he himself had gone 'round the world in eighty days, or in eighty months, for that matter. He smiled. (We spoke in French, of course, but I have translated our conversation into English.)
      "No, I have not," he replied. "It came about like this.
      "With the Suez Canal open, and railroads built all across India and America, everybody realized it would not be at all difficult to travel around the world. So three years ago I wrote a short outline of a play to be called Around the World in Eighty Days. I gave it to a playwright friend, and he wrote the play. Meanwhile I reworked the outline into a novel by the same name, and it was published that same year.
      "It was an amazing and wonderful success, that book. I had had a bit of success with my previous novels, including Journey to the Center of the Earth and 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, but Around the World beat them all."
      We resolved to ask him about these other novels, but first remarked that we had seen the play and, like everyone else, were amazed and delighted to see an elephant on stage, not to mention the live snakes in the scene in the cave.
      "We paid the London Zoo two hundred francs for each performance with the elephant. Expensive, but worth it. "
      We remembered the elephant that had been in our city zoo. Several years ago the Prussian army put us under siege, so no one could bring food into Paris. Everyone made do with food in their pantries for a while, but finally people got desperate and ate all the animals in our zoo, including its only elephant.
      We wondered whether he would tell us a bit about his life.
      "Well, I was born in 1828. My brother and I often rented a boat and sailed around the harbor near our summer house, watching the great ships moving in and out of port. One time, sailing alone, I found myself on a small island when my boat sank, and had to wait until the tide went out before I could wade to safety and walk home.
      "My father sent me here to study law, but I wanted to write. Alexandre Dumas, who wrote The Three Musketeers, encouraged me and over the next few years my career could be described as "Unsuccessful Author". I had a financial job to make ends meet -- I hated it -- but I met a lovely lady and married her in 1857. Honorine is enthusiastic about my writing. We have a son named Michel.
      "My first published novel was titled Five Weeks in a Balloon and told of a scholar, a professional hunter and Five Weeks in a Balloontheir servant as they explore Africa in a hydrogen balloon. At one point they rescue a missionary from a tribe that was going to kill him. At another, their balloon was attacked by condors and in another they're almost killed by soldiers in a rebel army."
      We supposed he himself had visited Africa.
      He laughed. "No," he said, "I learned what I needed to know by reading books and magazines.
      "And my next novel was A Journey to the Center of the Earth. It too was very successful as were From the Earth to the Moon and Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea"
      We said that Around the World in Eighty Days was plausible, but that going to the earth's center or to the moon or to the depths of the ocean were definitely not. Where did he get these crazy ideas?
      Verne was indignant. "Going to the moon, or far under the sea are not crazy ideas!" he said. "They take place in the future, when science will have gone far ahead of where we are now. On the other hand, I'll admit the trip to the center of the Earth, seeing prehistoric animals, plants and insects, is pure imagination and has nothing to do with science."
      We couldn't imagine being even one league under the sea, no matter 20,000 leagues.
      "That's because you haven't looked at history," Verne replied. "In the early 1700's there were patents on submarines, and several were built. Then didn't dive very deep, were generally moved by men pulling oars, and got air from a tube reaching to the surface. About 1800 the American Robert Fulton built one here in France called the Nautilus. So submarines have been around for a long time."
      We conceded that undersea travel might be possible. But a trip to the moon? Come on...
      "Again, you might do a little reading," said Verne, "about rockets. Between 1200 and 1800 there were all sorts of small rockets used to send signals, in fireworks, to throw rescuing lifelines from shore to ships in distress, and in weapons. An Englishman named William Congreve invented a rocket that was fired at American troops in the War of 1812 -- hence the words "the rockets' red glare" in the American national anthem.
      "So a rocket -- a very big rocket -- could be used to send a ship to the moon. Like any rocket, it would be 'pushed' by burning some sort of fuel in its stern, letting the gases from this fire exit the rear of the ship. There's no doubt that, at some time in the distant future such a rocket could carry men to the moon and back. But don't ask me how far in the future this would be. Not as early as 1900, but perhaps 2000 AD? or 3000 AD?"
      We told him it was all very interesting, but as we left we reflected that clearly he was crazy.
Two More of Mr. Verne's
Fascinating Novels
1. Twenty Thousand Leagues
Under the Sea
      Suddenly warships start sinking. Survivors of these catastrophes believe there was a big whale that attacked the ships, and a harpoon ship leaves port to kill it.
      But the 'big whale' sinks this harpoon ship. Three of its passengers find themselves on top of the whale and see that it is a submarine. They are taken below and find the ship is called the Nautilus and that it is led by a Captain Nemo, who hates war and thus warships. The three passengers are a famous scientist, his manservant, and an experienced harpooner.
      The men are treated well by Captain Nemo. They spend a lot of time looking at sea life through various windows. Nautilus They also have many adventures. They fish for pearls, visit the lost city of Atlantis, and hunt in forests that lie below the sea. On a trip to the South pole, the submarine gets caught in the ice, and everyone has to work to break it free. Another time a giant squid get caught in the Nautilis' propeller and must be dislodged by chopping at its arms with axes.
      Finally Nemo attacks and sinks another warship, and the three passengers vow to escape. They are off the coast of Norway, and the Nautilis gets caught in a whirlpool and is lost; but the passengers manage to board a small dinghy, and are saved.

2. From the Earth to the Moon and
Around the Moon
      The President of the Baltimore Gun Club designed a 'ship' he called the Columbiad, and which basically was an enormous cannon. Seven other members decided on the size of the 'bullet' to be fired, along with the dimensions and details of the cannon itself. At one point the group decided that their ship should be able to carry passengers. They also had to decide on a date and place where their 'bullet' would be launched Columbiad
      The projectile is 108 inches in diameter and 12 inches thick. It weighs 68,000 pounds and cost about $175,000. It was launched from Tampa Town, Florida, where a hole 900 feet deep and 60 feet wide had been dug. It was financed by money received from various countries, including the United States.
      It blasted off with three passengers, who were hurt, though not seriously, when it left. They circled the moon, were almost hit by a meteor, and took various measurements. They were unable to land on the moon, and finally returned to earth at an enormous speed and landed in the ocean. But an American naval ship saw what they thought was a meteor heading toward the earth. Investigating, they found the ship along with its three passengers, all alive.
Today's Gnarly Weather
      We asked Mr. Verne for a prediction, and he promised he'd write a book about it.
This Month's Riddle
     Q. What do you get if you cross a submarine with a rocket?
(Answer below)
A Summary of Jules Verne' s
Eighty-Day Novel
An Amazing Journey
      Mr. Phileas Fogg was a lazy sort of rich fellow who did his best to do nothing. One evening at the Reform Club, where he spent much of this time, he was playing whist and his partner remarked on a thief who had made off with the enormous sum of fifty-five thousand pounds. Fogg said he would be difficult to find, in a world so small that one can go all around it in eighty days.
      His friends scoff at such an idea, and in the end bet him twenty thousand pounds that he cannot do it. Fogg agrees, though that amount equals half of his fortune. He goes home, has his servant Passepartout (pronounced Pahss par too) pack one bag with travel essentials, and they catch the train to Dover. Passepartout is horrified to learn that the bag contains twenty thousand pounds, to cover travel expenses on the trip.
      A week after they left, Scotland Yard got a cable from Suez, saying that a bank had been robbed, and giving a description of the thief. A Detective named Fix requested a warrant for the thief's arrest, and realizes that Phileas looks just like the description of the robber. So he catches a ship for Suez, where he finds Phineas.
      Phineas had reached Suez on time (according to his 80-day plan), and he and Passepartout catch the ship for Bombay. Fix was on the ship, as well, expecting to find the warrant at that city. And the ship reached Bombay two days ahead of its own and Phileas' schedule, which of course delighted that man. He and Passepartout hurried to the railway station to catch the train for Calcutta.
      Fix went to the Bombay police station, but there learned that the warrant for the arrest of Phileas Fogg had not arrived. So he too boarded the train.
      The train, however, stopped far short of Calcutta for the very good reason that the tracks had not been laid that far. Passepartout wasn't fazed, however, and told Phineus that all he had to do was buy an elephant; which Phineus did, for 2000 pounds. For days they went through the jungles on the back of this enormous beast.
      But one day they came across a curious ceremony, and Phineus learned that an Indian Prince had died and that his widow was to be burned alive on her husband's grave. Phineus was of course horrified, and he and Passepartout managed to rescue her and take her away on their elephant. Her name was Aouda (pronounced Ah oo duh), she was very pretty, and she spoke English perfectly.
      They now reached the place where the railroad began again, and boarded it. And before long they reached Calcutta. They had lost a little time traveling by elephant, and were now exactly on time rather than being early. They now boarded a ship for Hong Kong, detective Fix still with them, still hoping that the arrest warrant would catch up with him.
      This trip took thirteen days, and in that time Aouda tried to express her thanks to Phineus. But he seemed cold and uncaring, though he made time to visit with her every day. She had a friend in Hong Kong, and hoped that friend would protect her.
      The ship reached that city, where they learned that Aouda's friend had left China two years earlier, intending to retire to Holland. And when she asked what she should do now, Fogg told her she should accompany him to Europe. But the next day they found that the Yokahama ship had left the day before!! Fog searched for a replacement, and finally settled on a small ship which would go to Shanghai, for he had discovered that the ship bound to San Francisco actually left from Shanghai, stopping at Yokahama on the way. He caught the San Francisco ship at Shanghai, and they were at that point a day late.
      Meanwhile Aouda, seeing Phineus' kindness, thoughtfulness, and generosity, began to have feelings other than gratefulness for his protection. And Fix, who had got acquainted with Passepartout and been with them all the way, finally found himself in possession of the warrant for Fogg's arrest, which had followed him 'round the world. Had he received it in India or Hong Kong, British possessions, he could have used it. But now he would have to wait until they were home in England.
      Phineus, Aouda, Passepartout, and Fix now boarded the train for New York.
      Unhappily, in the Great Plains the train is attacked by one hundred indians of the Sioux tribe! They mounted the train from their horses while the train was moving. They threw trunks and suitcases from the baggage car and fought with passengers. But the train reached a station where troops attacked them, and they withdrew. However, Passepartout had disappeared, probably captured by the indians. Fogg pursued them, accompanied by the soldiers. The train proceeded and Aouda and Fix waited in the station for Fogg to return.
      The next morning he did return, with Passepartout. Since the train had left, they found a man with a sledge
Sailing sledge
propelled by a sail, and Fogg paid the man to take them on to Omaha, where they caught a train for Chicago. In that city they found another train bound for New York. There they discovered they had just missed a boat for Liverpool, and it would be days before another left for that destination. They spent the night in a hotel. Soon Fogg found a ship headed for Bordeaux, and the four passengers boarded it.
      The next day the captain found himself locked in his cabin, and the ship was bound for Liverpool. Fogg had discovered that the crew didn't love the captain, and agreed to change their destination. Fogg himself took the helm, headed for England. They arrived at Liverpool. It was Saturday, and they were only six hours away from London. At that point, Fox said, "I arrest you in the Queen's name!"
      Phineus was in jail. He had nine and a quarter hours before the 80 days was up, the trip by train to London took only six hours -- but he was in prison!
      Then, after about two hours, Fix, Aouda, and Passepartout arrived and Fix explained that the real thief had been arrested three days before, and that Fogg was free. Phineus drew back his fist and knocked Fix down. Then he, Auoda, and Passepartout caught a train to London. Unfortunately, they arrived on Saturday, all right, but were five minutes late. So he, Passepartout, and Auoda went to his home, where they spent the night.
      The next day, Sunday, Phineus spoke to Auoda, apologizing for bringing her all the way 'round the world and explaining that he was now penniless. But Auoda took him by the hand, and said, "Will you have me for your wife?" Mr. Fogg, amazed and delighted, said, "I love you! I love you and am entirely yours. He sent Passepartout out to find a reverend to marry them. But Passepartout returned saying he couldn't be married tomorrow because it was a Sunday. So it turned out they had arrived in London 24 hours ahead of time, and now had only ten minutes to get to the Reform Club and win the bet!
      How had he made a mistake of one day in measuring his time? He had crossed the International Date Line, and thus repeated a day.
      So he got to the club in time, won the prize, and he and Auoda lived happily every after.
School Days
      For heaven's sake, Henry! You don't need to bring animals to class just because they were in the play Around the world in 80 days!

Gnarly Gnenglish
Vol. 2 , No. 6 , January/February 1875, Paris, France
Page 2
The New Chloe
      Chloe came into our office and said she had been investigating Edward Lear.
      "He was a real pussycat," she began. "He was born in 1812 and had 20 brothers and sisters! He started his independence when he was fifteen by designing screens and fans and selling them to stagecoach travelers. As a result he met an artist whose specialty was drawing birds, and for many years worked with this man.
      "But when he was eighteen, in 1830, he heard about limericks and figured they would delight children. For years he spent his spare time composing limericks and doing illustrations for them, and in 1846 published his first book of such poems under the pseudonym Derry Down Derry. But they didn't catch on until he published the third edition in 1861--which he published under his real name. He created wonderful drawings to go with these verses, and that last edition made him world famous.
      "At about the same time he gave up birds and started painting landscapes -- pictures of the countryside.
      "He was an amazing traveler," Chloe continued. "During his life he visited Amsterdam, Berlin, Rome, Florence, Athens, Cairo ... the list goes on and on.
      "But it was his nonsense poetry that we all remember. Some appear on these pages. But here are some others I love:

There was an Old Man who supposed,
That the street door was partially closed;
But some very large rats,
Ate his coats and his hats,
While that futile old gentleman dozed.

There was an Old Lady whose folly,
Induced her to sit on a holly;
Whereon by a thorn,
Her dress being torn,
She quickly became melancholy.

EPITAPH
"Beneath these high Cathedral stairs
Lie the remains of Susan Pares.
Her name was Wiggs, it was not Pares,
But Pares was put to rhyme with stairs."

      "Of course, not all his nonsense was limericks. Here's are the titles of some of these 'others' The Jumblies, The Dong with the Luminous Nose, Teapots and Quails, The Pobble who has no Toes, and The Owl and the Pussycat"


Singing Newspapers
      (In Paris in the 18th century about half the people were illiterate -- they could not read. Everyone knew the days' popular songs, however, so someone had the wonderful idea of telling the daily news by singing it in bars and cafes to the tune of songs.
      Here's an example applied to today.)
      It is not quite 'today's' news, for it's about Napoleon III's surrender to the Prussians five years ago after a disastrous war.

Ah, Napoleon
(To the tune of Alouette )

      Ah, Napoleon, foolish old Napoleon
      Ah, Napoleon, what will you do now?
      What will you do now in jail?
      What will you do now in jail?
      In the jail
      In the jail
      Napoleon
      Napoleon
      O-o-o-o-o-oh
      Ah, Napoleon, foolish old Napoleon
      Ah, Napoleon, why'd you start that war?
      Why'd you start that silly war?
      Why'd you start that silly war?
      Start the war
      Start the war
      Napoleon
      Napoleon
      O-o-o-o-o-oh
      Ah, Napoleon, why'd you start that war?
      What will you do now in jail?       
      
This Month's Puzzle
      Is it possible to reach a point 20000 leagues under the sea? In other words, is the deepest part of the ocean deeper than 20000 leagues?
Answer to Last Month's Puzzle
      Last month we were asked to copy the following three sentences as if you were writing in Arabic.
      "Madam, in Eden I'm Adam"
      "Come along with me."
      "Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era?"
      We learned that in Arabic, one reads from right to left instead of, as we do, from left to right. So
      "Madam, in Eden I'm Adam" read backwards is "Madam, in Eden I'm Adam" . (Read from the right, letter by letter....m a d a m i n e d e n i m a d a m)
      "Come along with me" would be "Me with along come". Here I'm cheating a bit, reading from right to left word by word instead of letter by letter.
      "Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era?" is "Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era?" (Read letter by letter again, as with the first one)
Where Words Come From
      Any word is just like you and me.
      All of us can boast a history.
      With words it's etymology

      Atlantic Ocean From the Greek Atlantikos meaning "of Atlas". Atlas was the Greek god who carried the Earth on his shoulders.
      Pacific Ocean From the Latin pacificus meaning "peaceful" or "peace making"
      Mediterranean Sea From the Latin medius meaning "middle", plus terra land, or earth. It was named when that sea, with Greece and Italy and Spain on the north, and Africa on the south, was indeed the middle of the (then known) world.
      Caspian Sea From the name of a people who lived long ago south and west of this sea.
      Baltic Sea From Scandinavian balta meaning "straight" because the sea is so narrow.
      Lake Huron From the name of the Indian people who occupied the area. Their name comes from the French word huron meaning "bristle-haired", which probably referred to their head-gear
      


Answer to this Month's Riddle
      Q. What do you get if you cross a submarine with a rocket?
      A. A vehicle that travels to the moon under water.
Return to "This month's riddle".
Classic Poems
by Edward Lear
      Mr. Lear is an English poet especially famous for writing nonsense rhymes. He's 63 years old now and still going strong. The first two poems below, as I'm sure you know, are Limericks. Some say Mr. Lear himself invented the limerick; and certainly he wrote quite a few. But it's also said it was invented in 1700 or so, when Irish soldiers returned from France to the Irish town of Limerick. One of his drawings is shown with the first poem.
There Was an Old Man with a Beard
There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, "It is just as I feared! --
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard.

There was a Young Lady Whose Eyes
There was a young lady whose eyes,
Were unique as to colour and size;
When she opened them wide,
People all turned aside,
And started away in surprise.

How pleasant to know Mr. Lear
How pleasant to know Mr. Lear,
Who has written such volumes of stuff.
Some think him ill-tempered and queer,
But a few find him pleasant enough.

His mind is concrete and fastidious,
His nose is remarkably big;
His visage is more or less hideous,
His beard it resembles a wig.

He has ears, and two eyes, and ten fingers,
(Leastways if you reckon two thumbs);
He used to be one of the singers,
But now he is one of the dumbs.

He sits in a beautiful parlour,
With hundreds of books on the wall;
He drinks a great deal of marsala,
But never gets tipsy at all.

He has friends both laymen and clerical,
Old Foss is the name of his cat;
His body is perfectly spherical,
He weareth a runcible hat.

When he walks in waterproof white,
The children run after him so!
Calling out, "He's gone out in his night-
Gown, that crazy old Englishman, oh!"

He weeps by the side of the ocean,
He weeps on the top of the hill;
He purchases pancakes and lotion,
And chocolate shrimps from the mill.

He reads, but he does not speak, Spanish,
He cannot abide ginger beer;
Ere the days of his pilgrimage vanish,
How pleasant to know Mr. Lear!


Interesting Words
(Words in this issue which may be new to some.)
      Catastrophe. (n) A disaster
      Collaborate. (v) To work together with someone
      Condor. (n) A bird of prey who lives in the Americas
      Faze . (v) To upset or disturb someone
      Musket. (n) A rifle used in the 1700s and 1800s.
      Musketeer. (n) A soldier who carries a musket
      Prediction . (v) Something predicted. That is, something forecast, or said to be going to happen
      Projectile . (n) An object which moves as a result of being thrown or fired in some way
      Sledge. (n) A vehicle with runners instead of wheels, to be pulled across snow or ice by horses or dogs.
      Tsunami. (n) A large wave caused by an earthquake
      (Note: definitions are often not complete sentences -- they may not have subject and verb.)
Sam'll Answer
DEAR SAM:
       In 20000 Leagues Under the Sea the heroes visit the lost city of Atlantis. Where is Atlantis, and how did it get lost?"
            Curious about cities. Atlantis
      Dear Curious
      In one of the stories written by Plato, the philosopher who lived in Ancient Greece, two of his friends told what they said was a true story. There was a large island named Atlantis that was destroyed first by an earthquake and then by the following tsunami. This happened 9000 years earlier, which would have been about 12,000 years ago. They claimed that the island had been somewhere outside of the pillars of Hercules, and that it had first been told by Egyptian priests, far in the past.
      In detail, the story was that Poseidon, god of the oceans, was given the island of Atlantis. He fell in love with Cleito, with whom he had ten children. (The oldest was Atlas, who gave his name to the Atlantic Ocean). Poseidon divided Atlantis up between these ten kids.
      The Atlanteans were a warlike people, and invaded North Africa, enslaving all the peoples they found in lands there, including Libya and Egypt. The Greeks reversed this in a war that moved the invaders back to Atlantis. And it was after that that the earthquake and tsunami wiped out the country.
      In modern times there have been many expeditions formed to look for this ancient island, and all sorts of stories about cities, pyramids, domes, stone roads, large buildings, Greek-like columns and other man-made things found at various places beneath the sea. But no one has ever found a place which might truly be the lost Atlantis.

Limerick
      There was a bright Frenchman named Verne
      Whose stories no person could spurn.
            They're always exciting
            With travels and fighting
      And science all students should learn.

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