If you Can't Talk, No One Will Hear You
If you Can't Write, No One Will Read You
For ten years I've written the Gnews
Whose math perhaps gave you the blues.
I've treated the subject with care
And now I have no more to share.
My granddaughter heard of my plight
And made a suggestion quite bright.
"Though math is a subject you've taught
"Why don't you give English a thought?"
As soon as she said it I knew
She had found me the right thing to do.
We all must be able to write
And improper writing's a blight.
So now I'll be trying to teach
Things like grammar and spelling and speech
You'll learn how to think and compose,
And I trust I won't cause you to doze.
(In Paris in the 18th century about half the people were illiterate -- they could not read. Everyone knew the days' popular songs, however, so someone had the wonderful idea of telling the daily news by singing it in bars and cafes to the tune of songs.
Here's an example applied to today.)
(To the tune of Waltzing Matilda)
Once a jolly banker loaned all his money out
Folks could buy their houses almost free.
And he sang as his dollars dropped down to nothingness
"You'll all be happy now, thanks to me."
You'll all be happy now, You'll all be happy now,
You'll all be happy now, thanks to me
And he sang as his dollars dropped down to nothingness
You'll all be happy now, thanks to me
Up rode the government, mounted on its bureaucrats
Down came the lawyers, one, two, three.
"Where has all your dough gone, you are going belly-up,
"Guilty as anything," they sang with glee.
Guilty as anything, Guilty as anything,
"Guilty as anything", they sang with glee.
Where's all your dough gone, you are going belly-up,
"Guilty as anything", they sang with glee.
Up jumped the banker and sprang into retirement
"You'll never put me in jail," said he
He gave himself a bonus, big as a galaxy
Spends his time fishing, now, happily
Spends his time fishing, now, Spends his time fishing, now
Spends his time fishing, now, happily
He gave himself a bonus, big as a galaxy
Spends his time fishing, now, happily
Oh he spends his time fishing, now, happily
Speech has Parts
Learn all of them and add much to your smarts.
Names of things are what are known as NOUNS
No doubt you'll now remember easily:
Apples, horses, grief, cashiers and clowns.
The PRONOUNS stand for nouns quite commonly
You jump, he swims,
she earns, they sing, I see.
An ADJECTIVE tells things about a noun.
Neat, greedy, happy, hopeful, jealous, brown.
An action word is always called a VERB.
Jump, learn, admire, prevent, bewitch, disturb.
The ADVERB signals just how things are done.
Scramble quickly, gladly learn, well
spun.
The ARTICLES I fear are only three:
The words are simply a and an and the.
Before a noun a PREPOSITION stands.
For Mom,
before Thanksgiving, across lands.
CONJUNCTIONS interlink words hand in glove
Milk and cookies, push or
pull, hate nor love.
The INTERJECTION helps us to exclaim.
Whoopee! Aha! Hot dog! Alas! For shame!
Alas! And the neat horse jumps well for me.
Books and Sites
In 1919 Professor William Strunk taught an English course at Cornell University. The text was a 43-page book he had written called The Elements of Style.
By 1957 the Professor had died, and E.B. White, a well-known American author, was asked to update it. He revised it slightly and added a chapter of his own called "An Approach to Style". The third edition is 85 pages long.
The book is famous, and is generally called 'Strunk and White'. If you're looking for advice on writing, explained clearly with many examples, have a look at this very short book.
Web Site
Here's a super Web Site which tells just about all you want to know about writing English. Have a look at it at Towson University. It also has links to other useful web sites, including a dictionary and thesaurus. You might want to add it to the List of Favorites in your browser.
All of us can boast a history.
With words it's etymology
Equinox: From two Latin words: aequi, meaning equal; and nox, meaning night. The time of year when the sun crosses the equator and there are exactly twelve hours between sunrise and sunset.
Apple: From the Old English word aeppel, which it seems originally meant any kind of fruit (but not berries), and later came to mean what we know as an apple.
To perceive, to discover, discern.
A person who's wise
Will win every prize
And will earn a delightful return.
Writers who are English-blind.
Here's a quote from a columnist who was writing about the handicaps women have when they enter politics. In particular, she was writing about Ms Clinton and Ms Palin:
"It is impossible to argue that these two women were not treated unfairly."
-------- Is that sentence clear to you?
The author used a triple negative: Impossible, not, and unfairly. We can eliminate two negatives, for "not treated unfairly" is the same as "treated fairly" -- two negatives make a positive. So the sentence becomes:
"It is impossible to argue that these two women were treated fairly", which means the author thinks they were treated unfairly. So why didn't she write:
"These two women were treated unfairly"?
That would be much clearer, and of course uses 6 words instead of 13.
Sentences
A Subject and a Verb, there, Dude.
|
Wrong
He hungry (s He, no v) Girlish writes (No s, v writes) Went down on the streets (no s, v went) We out of cigarettes (s we, no v) The rains in Spain (s rains, no v) All sentences (s sentences, no v) |
Right
He is hungry (s he, v is) Girl writes ( s Girl, v writes.) I went down on the streets of Laredo (s I, v went) Here we are, out of cigarettes (s we, v are) The rains in Spain fall (s rains, v fall) All sentences must have subject and verb (s sentences, v have) |
Our old friend Chloe dropped by the office. We greeted her with what we remembered as her usual kind of Valley Speak.
"Hey, Chloe. Like, what's cool today? We're not into, you know, math any more, so can't use your help."
Chloe grinned. "You're badgering me," she said. "Your language is deplorable. But I've been contemplating my linguist deficiencies and have metamorphosed myself."
We had to admit this didn't sound like the old Chloe.
"Do you know what all those long words mean?" we asked.
"I wouldn't use them if I didn't", she replied.
"To badger means to nag, or tease. It comes from the way dogs behaved in an old game called badger-baiting.
"Deplorable means bad or wretched. It comes from the Latin word 'deplorare' which meant deplore
"To contemplate means to think about with care and attention. It comes from the Latin word contemplari, which meant to gaze at with great attention.
"Linguistic of course means having to do with language, and a deficiency is a lack.
"Finally, metamorphose means to change or transform, and it comes from a Latin word that means much the same thing."
I was impressed, but told her that in writing or speaking one should never use a long word when a shorter word would do.
Chloe sighed. "You're right," she said. "I was just showing off. I should have said, 'You're teasing me. Your language is terrible. But I've been thinking about my old bad English, and have changed myself.' "
We told her that was much better, and that we were delighted she was taking our language seriously.
"I've been reading about the language," she went on. "It's fascinating, particularly its sources. Where did all the words come from?
"To figure that out, I looked into the very early history of what's now England. And there was a monk named the 'Venerable Bede' who wrote a book called The History of the English Nation. He lived in a monastery in Monkwearmouth and was writing about 700 AD." She grinned. "He wrote in Latin. There was no standard English language those days. The monastary had a fine library, with over 300 manuscripts; so he had read the works of all the old Romans and Greeks, and of some Britains --- he was an educated man.
"His book was remarkable," Chloe continued. "Bede begins by describing England, giving its size and telling of its grain, cattle, waterfowl, salmon, seals, dolphin, hot springs, pearls, copper, iron and so on. He says it was first settled by the Britains who came from western France. But now, he wrote, the country 'contains five nations: the English, Britons, Scots, Picts, and Latins, each with its own peculiar dialect.
"The book goes on to tell how the Romans arrived and then departed, and how in the early 400's the Celtic people in England wrote to the Roman consul complaining that they had been invaded by the Scots, and asking for help. The Romans were fighting their own wars, and refused to help. So these Celts decided to call for help from the Anglos and Saxons, over on the continent.
"The Anglos and Saxons came in about 450 AD, defeated the Scots, and then brought friends and relatives, and took over the people who had invited them to come. These invaders called the Celts wealas which meant foreigners, and that's where the name Wales came from. The Celts called these new invaders 'Saxons'.
"Somehow the Celtic language didn't have much influence on what's now English. But the Anglo-Saxon language became the start of what's now English. Words in our language come from all over. Modern English contains many Latin words, like circus, opera, ado, honor, tuba, and album; Norse words like birth, game, whirl, steak, husband, and mistake; French words like age, vinegar, and baggage; Dutch words like yacht, pit, splinter, blink, and knapsack; Arabic words like algebra, average, and zenith; Spanish words like rodeo, potato, ranch, cafeteria, fiesta, hammock, avocado, and bronco; Italian words like pasta, bandit, lava, ghetto, and stiletto; Irish words like brogue and shamrock; Yiddish words like bagel and glitch; German words like blitz, sauerkraut, and pretzel; and Native American words like chipmunk, hominy, moccasin, and raccoon.
"So today we speak a real hodpodge of words."
I had to agree with her. We have quite a motley language.
Are Not Preferred
To being verbose.
News About the Meeting
Mr. Grundy, the dedicated Principal of the
Alabaster School on Fourteenth Street
Called the meeting to order at promptly seven pm,
waiting to be sure everyone had a seat.
Of many matters of business, the first and most important
was a plan for this year's fourth of July celebration
Which led to a long discussion on the history of the nation.
Next was an exchange between teachers and parents
Who talked of books and homework and discipline
with many arguments.
Finally there was a tedious debate over the length
of the Christmas holiday
Though no definite conclusion was reached
because so many were all away
Better News About the Meeting
Mr. Grundy, the Principal of the Alabaster School
Ran a meeting covering the July fourth celebration,
parent-teacher rule,
And the length of the holiday Yule.
Sam'll Answer 
